We watch the season
Pull up its own stakes
And catch the last weekend of the last week
Before the gold and the glimmer have been replaced;
Another sun soaked season fades away
-----

Yesterday was brilliant.

Much, much, much love to Max and Ting-- you two are the best; and I have absolutely no idea what I'd do without you.

Yeah, so.

Maxy and Ting came over, and then we all gussied up (I did the least gussying up, though. Yay go me.) and Ting must've tried on four different outfits-- at least.
I kid you not.

And with each new outfit, the conversation would aaaalways go something along the lines of:

Ting: ...Do I look fat in this? :/
Cara: No.
Maxy: No.
Ting: Are you sure?! *pinches imaginary spare tyre* No-o, I look so fat in this! (!!!)
Cara: *raises eyes towards ceiling*
Maxy: Oh God help us.

And then we (finally) headed over to Holland V-- which, we all have agreed, is one of the sweetest places ever. Everything's just so warm and mellow and golden there.
I like going to Holland V.

We got ourselves cushy seats in Starbucks, and then we had fraps and muffins and shared Oreo cheescake (Hey. Everything in moderation, right?), and then talked and laughed until it was time to go.

After which we got a taxi (I wanted the pretty silver one, but some nasty lady snatched it before we could get to it; and then there was only the not-so-nice-looking green one left- which I didn't want- but luckily somebody snatched that before we could reluctantly go in; so we ended up taking a black cab.)

(I like black cabs.)

and when we got there, it was kinduv creepy.
I mean- we couldn't see anyone. And everything was just quiet and tranquil and verrrrry un-dinneranddance-esque.

What ensued was really stupid- Sherman waiting for us just a flight of steps away, and us waiting impatiently for him just a flight of steps down; and neither party realizing that the other party was a few feet away, waiting.

Which was dumb.

Anyway. We eventually (finally, after long last!) found our way into the party...and yeah, MaxTing took some time to warm up to Sherman, but after that ahverything was puhretty cool.

Maxy and Ting had one too many mocktails and wound up getting really high on me. :/

...Which was...weird.

I felt like the only sane person, between the three of them-- and that's saying a whole lot.

(Usually, it'd be all, "Cara, you're so weeeeeyrd!", or "Cara, why're you so odd?!" or something along those eggstremely sensitive lines. Last night was a nice change. Nice to feel normal once in a while. I should get out more often.)













(I thought this picture was pretty neat.
Like, woohoo. Aura.
When we saw it, we were all, "...Whoaaa we've died and gone to Heaven!" , and I still think it's kinduv sortuv reaaaally unfair that he's got such a bright aura. :/
Ah well. Next time will have to do.)


I've got more pics (some of which I shall steal from Maxy)-- and when I get them, I'll upload them again.

So yeah.

We danced and laughed and got high,
and made memories and twenty years down the road, we'll look back and say

it was a perfect shade of dark blue.

<3


Because we all look like we feel,
We feel,
We feel,
We feel.(?)
-----





Love me, much?! The quality kinduv sucks at some parts- but it's still funny.
...In my humble opinion it is, anyway.

I've regressed into the whole Disney thing again, thanks to a certain somebody.
(Who, for the sake of anonymity and confidentiality, shall not be named.
At least not here.
For now.)

Today I watched Pocahontas II with my little brother.
And then I spent my time doing homework and listening to all the Disney songs I mooshed into my iPod. <3

Disney + life = Magic!

Lots of it!


And yeah, we're out to change this world
with words like love and freedom.
----

...Cara is supremely terrifically terribly deluxefully fall-asleep-on-your-feet kind of tired.

Yesterday all the pretty colours were spinning, in the LT; and people's voices were like whooooyahhh and I felt like I was in some sort of weird artsy film, y'know, the kind where they warp the background and people's voices start whirling around and around and ooh, see the dancing mushrooms.

Training's been draining. Ooh look it even rhymes, go me.
I've been running (...rowing. Whatev.) on black coffee and the adrenaline of the various trainings (morning, afternoon) we've been having... and gosh am I zonked. The road to school today was a struggle, and I've never had that before. I was half afraid I'd fall unconscious right in front of the hostel road or something, and then get run over by some caterer making his daily rounds to deliver brekkie for the hostel people.
And it's weird, these few days I've been getting these moments when everything just goes whoaaa and through the haze I can hear myself wondering, "What'll happen if I just fall here?".

(Probably get trampled on and run over by throngs of eager NJCians thundering to the canteen.)
(Or get stepped on and bruised by people running to Bytz for whatever reason.)

But on the plus side; I know someone who can make me laugh.

So that's good.

I'd die without laughter, and music, and Jack's Mannequin.

I'm tired, ohsotired.

Yeah, but what's new, right?

Tomorrow: Morning training, swimming PE, lessons, Death Valley campout
Saturday: National Canoeing Championships
Sunday: National Canoeing Championships (Part 2, presumably. I hope there's no "To be continued".)

Who's that dudette who sang, "I Will Survive?"

...S'cool.

But since I lack (sadly) her powerhouse vocals and glittery sequin things and oh, publicity, I won't make a scene.

I'll live, s'all.

Yeah, we all will.

<3


Sad, or so it seems; but I can't breathe.
Are you real?
Are you real?
-----

...I'll keep a part of you in the corner of my smile.

Love,
me.


For what it's worth,
I always believed in you.
-----

Nationals.

White-hot pain, a symphony of friction and static and a deadly resistance,
pull, pull, pull away; and we're leading by two boatlengths.

"Come on."
"Come on."
"Come on."

and so the sky opened toothless jaws and smiled,
and with the death of pain we waved a Victory flag.

"We did it. I'm proud of you."
A warm hug, a tight hug, a we-did-it-together, never-letting-go kind of hug; the kind that seems to go on forever without getting too hot, too tiresome, or too squishy.

Light footsteps up the slope.

Vulnerable eyes.

"How did we do?"

A thunderclap,
a tear, then another,
then I see myself in the distance-
a smudge of red and dusty white crumpling to the ground
like yesterday's tissue paper,
only in far more pain.

Oh, far more pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

The dam breaks when I see her face,
and for the first time I realize how truly inadequate apologies can be

and I cradle my head in my hands, on the gravel floor,
and through my tears I search for a rewind button.

----

... I brought back something more than a medal.

I brought back a lesson, and a grudge.

I am what I am, and I cannot change that. I have to live with my mistakes, and whatever happens in my years, will be for a reason, whether it to be to learn or to teach.

B Div team-- Team NJ-- I'm proud of all of you.

Something's gotta give eventually, and ten bucks says that that something's gunna be the face of failure.


Until you're broken, you won't know what you're made of.
------

...Finals come tomorrow.

Okay, we did it once for heats.

It was terrifying, it was electrifying...but we did it.

(yeah, and I've the video for proof. Eat our backwash, yo!)

It was scary 'cuz at one point, I heard one of the rowers in one of the boats behind us scream, "C'mon, c'mon- don't you want to beat the NJ rowers?".

Naturally, that only spurred me on more; and Gill and I pulled our way to the finish line, huzzah.

And so it is.

And so finals come tomorrow, hello I hope I don't die.


... I don't really care about the placings any longer. Yeah sure, medals would be great.
But my race plan is just to pull as hard as I can, to keep breathing, to keep looking up, to keep holding on for everything I've been believing in; to cross that finishing line as one boat.

And come what may, honey.



[/EDIT]

I am contemplating a new hairstyle.

Would Cara still be Cara without teh Cara fringe, I wonder.

I am also contemplating manymanymany things, but for now I'll put them aside.

The only thing worth contemplating right now is how to make sure the other boats eat backwash.


Because we are what we are,
And sometimes that's just not enough.
-----

Okay I don't have much to blog about.

I don't have ANYTHING to blog about, in fact, because ten dollars says that your idea of a good evening isn't spending it reading some long emotional ramble about rowing and pain and the strange tangle's my life has been winding itself into lately.

Plus, nearly the whole population's up and gone to Outward Bound Land; so I'm guessing for this week, my blog'll probably get...oh, I dunno... a grand total of 3 hits?

...And two of them would probably be me, checking in to reread my prettiful posts.

But hey, s'okay. I don't write for the public eye anyway.
If I get tags, it's cool. And if I don't- yeah, that's fine by me.

I write what I want, and I write what I feel, and I don't have any qualms about it.
And if you happen to read what I write, and if you're inspired or motivated by it; or if it shows you the stars on a rainy day- then hey. I'm satisfied.

Anyway.

Today was...busy tiring exhausting, you name it.

It was funny during lunch, though; when the canoeists bought in packet lunches for everybody.

So yeah, Jared rushes over into the smoosh of hungry canoeists, delves in, and gets himself a packet of food.
And then he goes back (contentedly) to his place, and sits down.
Yeah, and then he opens it.
And sees this gigantic wad of beansprouts staring him in the eye.
And then he lets out with this terrified yelp (it was bordering on a shriek, actually; but to give him face, I shall just say it was a yelp anyway), jumps out of his seat, and makes a superhuman leap across a whole mound of bags to change his packet with someone else's.

...Ah, the Evilness of Bean Sprouts.

Ah, what hungry canoeists are capable of doing.

Anyway. Moving on.
Here's to space-fillers. ...Even better, here's to significant space-fillers.
Which I highly specialize in because, of course, I am a naturally awesome person and stuff. <3


--------

And there's this occasional night when you break down and cry,
because you know things will never be the same.

Time stands still when no one understands you,
and you don't even quite understand yourself.
Today didn't have to be this way, but tomorrow is another day.
Tomorrow is another chance to make things right.

Nobody will ever save you,
if nobody can ever find you.

There are good nights, and there are hard rides.
There are a million things to think about when you give up getting high.
Limited sight came back to tired eyes, and we watched the city lights fight brightly with their will to stay alive.
Everything is gonna be alright.

We are all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars.

"If you just hold on, just find the courage to face another day,
someone or something will find you and make it all okay.
Because we need a little help sometimes-
someone who will helps us hear the music in their world to remind us that it won't always be this way."
-One Tree Hill

Do what makes you happy.
Be with who makes you smile.
Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live.

---

... More coming up soon, I promise.
Oh, and I found this, and it made me laugh.

"Mortals are weak and frail.
If their stomach speaks, they forget their brains.
If their brain speaks, they forget their hearts.
And if their hearts speak, hahaha, if their hearts speak, they forget everything!"

Love that.

Yeah Self, get ready for another week;
It's fine, it'll be fine, it always is.
The pain? ...It'll pass. It never seems like it will, when Life puts you right smackdab in the middle off all that chaos,
but you'll pull through, yeah you will, even when it feels impossible and you'd give anything for your lungs to give out.

You'll make it through.
You always do.

So buckle up and give 'em hell.

(and that- m'dears- applies to all of you.)

(Yeah you. I love you.}

(...So deal.)